New Year's Revolution

What should I awfulize about as the new year approaches… that I have likely released horrible toxins into my children’s bodies by washing plastics in the dishwasher or making meals in non-stick cookware. Or should I fixate on partially hydrogenated oils that produce the trans fat in so many foods I used to enjoy with wild abandon. And what about the fact that we almost certainly have asbestos living under our kitchen linoleum or the lead paint that Kramer chipped off while repairing some old water damage in the kid’s room. Or there’s always the mouse that I can’t catch despite putting poison under the refrigerator. Not to mention the chemicals residing under the sink. I could spend some time on the fact that nearly all our Christmas gifts came from the big box stores that are taking over our landscape. And that’s just our teeny tiny household. What about our suffocating world, what about GLOBAL WARMING?

We try to eat healthy food and snacks and we’ve jumped on the organic bandwagon. Usually I avoid poison (I just can’t cohabitate with a rodent) and take measured steps to live an environmentally friendly lifestyle but it hardly seems like we’ve scratched the surface and I get overwhelmed and head straight to doom. Can I placate myself into thinking that I’m doing my part – making good choices and going to the polls to elect the people who share my agenda? It sure doesn’t feel like enough when I head through the McDonalds drive thru in my gas powered car buying trans fatty foods in packaging that goes straight in the garbage. I use the wonderfully disposable diapers and those awesome toilet scrubbers that you just throw away and do it in spite of what I know about what we are putting into our bodies, our water, our landfills and our atmosphere.

We spent Christmas with the newest member of our family, my soon-to-be brother-in-law and I couldn’t help but feel apologetic as we were buried in wrapping paper and ribbon on Christmas Day (I did use recyclable gift wrap). His culture doesn’t celebrate holidays or weddings with such excess and it seemed a little gross to me as I imagined it through his eyes. He comes from a place where people grow their own food. I come from a place that grows enormous malls. I fear I am the worst kind of American, the one who knows how we live has caught up with us yet I buy, consume, waste and dispose like I just don’t care. I am trying to raise children who do care and who understand what a precious gift we are standing on. Let’s make this the year we clean up our act!

My McDreamy

I’m feeling inadequate in my husband’s shadow. He’s one of these really audacious guys who actually gets it. He’s up with the kids three mornings a week, makes them breakfast, always takes one kid with him to the grocery store or heads off to the zoo without a moments hesitation. I don’t go anywhere with them without hesitation and seriously weighing the cost/benefit of the outing. He has a fearlessness as a parent I envy on good days and resent on bad ones. He doesn’t question his instincts (I do that for him). Sometimes it is that confidence that quiets my doubts and other times makes me so mad that I’m the one always trying to do better while he is simply doing without looking back. Even I can see the psychology 101 meaning in that last sentence.

He’s a doer; always in driven, ambitious, family-focused motion. And he doesn’t seem to need the escape and time to himself that I crave. In fact, he is rarely alone (he even carpools to work three out of four days). Of course he goes to a job that he loves (and is great at) before he comes home to punch in for the evening shift. He has a lot going on outside this house and then comes home to embrace what he has missed with open arms. My whole world is right here where I have a little too much time to think about what it would feel like to miss it. So while I stay up way too late because it’s quiet and no one is asking anything of me he is smart enough to go to bed and wake up ready to start a new day with his irritatingly positive outlook.

How can I stand him you ask? How can I stand knowing that even when I desperately want to play the martyr, I haven’t got much mud to sling? Well I should have known that the man I married is exactly the father I thought he’d be – pulling his weight and some of mine too. I guess that’s just what I get (thank you God).

Do Unto Others

There is a point when you stop simply caring for your very small child and you start dealing with very short people. I’m right there dealing with personalities and temperaments of two young individuals and one not-so-young hypocrite (me). I’m begrudgingly reexamining my commitment to the Golden Rule. I expect Isaac to treat everyone the way he would like to be treated (at least on a 3 year olds level) but I find myself trying to enforce this rule with nothing even resembling gold. I would hate being spoken to the way I speak to him sometimes. I would dig my heels in too. So, how do I keep myself even and calm as I teach them with consistency and more importantly by example how to negotiate the land mines of interpersonal relationships?

Loudly saying Isaaaac with that certain knock-it-off inflection is having no impact. I’ve fallen off the discipline wagon. I think it might be the sibling thing that is coming into full bloom; Libby is not a baby anymore but a full fledged little sister. It’s time to up the ante on how we approach the little eruptions that pop up without warning – the bickering over a toy, taking turns, choosing stories or whose lap is available. These little irritating and draining moments are much harder to quell than major disputes or tantrums. They gain momentum as my pulse, Isaac’s intensity and Libby’s whining all ramp up. Hopefully this simple act of reflection will give me the inspiration I need to get back on track and feel good about my being their first glance at Do Unto Others…