Are We There Yet?

One week and counting until I commit what to my children is the ultimate act of betrayal – I’ll send them to school. They are already getting teary at the mere mention of the s word. And I have to fight the urge to talk too much because my blabbing just makes the anxiety bubble up. They say you can’t talk to teenagers, but you can’t talk to these little tikes either. So, I’m not talking, not talking them out of feeling nervous, not talking them into being excited, not talking about the fact that there is nothing to talk about – it’s school, it’s mandatory.

For weeks various adults have been asking Isaac if he’s excited for school and his answer is always No. It’s partly the honest truth and partly his idea of a little joke because he gets a reaction every time. But today when we went to his new school to see his classroom and meet his adorable teacher, I had to smirk – he is smart enough to simply shrug when she asked him if he was excited to come to Kindergarten. It’s like he knew his teacher would prefer a less negative response. He may not be excited, but he’s ready.

And I know he’s ready and he’ll find his way in this new world. That’s what various adults have been telling me for weeks, “They’ll be fine”. Yeah, yeah, I know. Its just that seeing worry and fear on their faces is the worst. Bumps, blood, minor falls don’t really phase me, it’s walking away from Libby when she’s sobbing or when Isaac’s face shows that quiet turmoil that breaks my heart in two.

So, while these two kids would like to pretend next week will never come, I’m wishing we could get on with it and I could just be there to tell them how proud I am of them at the end of the first day instead of creeping toward the heartbreaking beginning of that day.