Oh boy, it’s starting, the anxiety of Kindergarten around the corner -- mine, not Isaac’s. It’s down to weeks and I feel exactly like I did 4 weeks before I went back to work when he was an infant. I feel like I’m throwing him to the wolves without any survival skills. He’ll be away from us in a whole new way and I have no idea how to prepare him for that. He’ll be exposed to new things, words and situations because school is much more than covering the curriculum, it’s an introduction into the larger community and I won’t be there with an explanation or familiar lap. He’ll be a very small fish in a big pond.
I just keep having these flashes of him in a noisy, overwhelming lunchroom, his dangling legs not long enough to reach the floor, or sitting on a carpet square afraid to open his mouth and speak up for maybe the first 8 and a half months of the year. I know he’s as ready as any 5 year old. He’s ready to soak up information and make some new 5 year old friends but suddenly I look at him and he seems so naïve and unseasoned which of course has been by design. And I’m certainly not going to put him through Welcome to the Real World Boot Camp for the next several weeks but how do I help him make the jump into that big pond.
I have to start bucking up now so when Isaac gets anxious (and he will) I can say wonderfully assuring things without my voice cracking and getting all choked up. Or he’ll suspiciously ask, “Why do you sound like you’re crying?” For all my droning about how much time I spend with the kids you’d think I’d be cheerleading around the house, give me a K, give me an I, give me a N… but I feeling more like I want to wrap my arms around him and keep him close a little bit longer before he wiggles away.
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