Leftovers

I don’t know if other women have truly said YES to all that comes with being a mom, but I am still fighting it just a little bit. It’s like the old saying, when one door closes another opens and yet here I am lightly knocking at that door of my old life where my house was tidy and we ate out a lot more. I am forever reminding myself to be right here where this door is wide open and everyone I love is welcoming me.

I think it has something to do with my tendency to enjoy my life like I enjoy certain leftovers. Goulash in particular always tastes much better a day or two later. It’s like that with the kids, while we are in the moment I’m all too often wising we could hurry it up or move on to the next thing but when I look back on last night, last weekend or the summer, the experience has some flavor and was actually really good.

So, I don’t have regrets per se but I do feel like I am detouring my way around the here and now because the here and now is often one of two things, very intense or dull. When it’s intense I just want to get through it and when it’s dull I just want to run away and do something I want to do. Of course there are the occasional in-betweens when I am peaceful and present and my old life behind that closed door doesn’t even make sense because this is it, this is happening right now even if my miss-wired brain and I are always a day or two behind.