I’m starting to see the faintest flicker, the tiniest glow of what lies ahead in my ever-changing relationship with our kids. Of course school is a big part of this glimpse into the future – Isaac especially is having an experience all his own. He is part of a new community and while we’re there on the sidelines, it’s his class and his school, his life. When the year started I wanted so much to be a fly on the wall, to watch over both of them like I’m so used to doing but as the weeks have come and gone I don’t wish for that two way mirror anymore. I’ve even eased up on asking so many questions about his day the minute he steps off the bus and realize that there’s a little bit of need-to-know going on here. He is putting that first amount of space between us and it’s scary but it feels okay too.
Even this weekend Kramer and I noted how much things have changed as far as supervision. We did tons of yard work Saturday & Sunday and the kids were so helpful! They weren’t exactly helping but the real helpfulness was the fact that they are able to be in and out of our presence without needing our constant attention. I bundled branches and they chatted with me or cut the twine and then disappeared to play on the swing or pursue some whim inside. I started and FINISHED a lengthy job with scarcely an interruption AND let snack time slide by unnoticed.
That same day we had dinner at a friend’s house; Isaac, Libby and their son disappeared into the basement for a huge chunk of the evening while we sat and enjoyed adult conversation. Someone pinch me! So, even though we had to pack it in by 7:30 when many adults are just considering a restaurant and movie, we had a wonderfully social early evening not spent entirely in their playroom talking over the kids and filtering every word.
The proverbial apron strings haven’t been cut by any means, but lengthened as the kids move a little further away from me. And maybe I have a twinge of longing knowing that this is only the beginning and it will hurt when they pull away at times but I’m also feeling so gloriously liberated. I love having them in my life so much when I am not fighting that nagging, selfish, resentful part of me that has missed a little space and breathing room. So, like God himself said, there is light and it is good!